


The Record Player isn’t Loud Enough

by a_Jedi_inthe_stars



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Fighting, Panic Attacks, Yelling, john is very helpful, this is a vent fic so don’t read if you don’t like it, trama?, trigger warning, uhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:00:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22566673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_Jedi_inthe_stars/pseuds/a_Jedi_inthe_stars
Summary: Freddie and Brian are arguing over the new album, Hot Space. The yelling gets to Roger and it sends him into panic mode. John comforts him after he has flashbacks to his childhood.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	The Record Player isn’t Loud Enough

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE DO NOT READ IF IT TRIGGERS YOU!!!!! 
> 
> This is all stuff that has happen to me, so please be kind in the comments and stuff!

The four of them were sat in their spacious studio they were renting out in Montreux, Switzerland. Brian and Freddie were sat in two chairs, facing each other. The older men were red in the face from arguing, they had paused for a second, but Roger knew they would start right back up again. John was in the corner, plucking his base and ignoring the other three. Roger was just trying to block out the sound of their noise. 

Freddie and Brian went back at it, not even giving the argument about disco a five minute break. With every hate filled word they got luder. Loud enough for Deaky to look up in surprise, he raised his eyebrows. Both John and Roger were getting increasingly concerned. Neither Brian nor Freddie were violent people but it looked as a fight could break out any second. 

Roger started to uncomfortable, the palms of his hands were starting to sweat and he felt the familiar twinge in his chest.His breath quickened, his chest tightened and he felt himself getting shakier and shakier as the moments passed by. The voices of his bandmates were getting softer and were slowly getting replaced with different but recognizable voices. 

Roger was back at his parents house. 

He was curled up on his rickety old bed, hugging his knees to his chest. Roger bit his lip and held his breath, he knew if he cried it just make it so much worse. So he suppressed his sadness until he could no longer feel. Roger prayed for this awful night to be over. He had his comic books spread out around him, he was trying to distract himself but it wasn’t working. 

Roger’s old record player had its volume all the way up, even with the small machines best efforts, it still couldn't block out the sound of his parents screaming and fighting just below him. Their voices were growing horse but they were nowhere near done. It was mostly his step-father shouting. His actual father wasn’t much of one, so his only father figure was his step-dad. To hear him yell at Roger’s mum so loudly and hatefully broke his heat.

Roger wasn’t going to let it get to him though. 

He felt the house shake. He should be crying, he thought in the back of his head. He pushed the thought away, Roger had bottled up his feelings for so long, he could do it now. 

The walls thundered again. The atmosphere in the house had been bad for a while. Everytime he came home from school the house was tense. The air was always thick and uncomfortable. He learned to silently blend into the background. It was either that or have someone’s anger being taken out on him. 

Roger just wanted out. 

Then it happened. 

“GET OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE, YOU FUCKING CUNT! I’LL DECIDE WHEN YOU GET TO COME BACK, FUCKING BITCH!” 

His breath hitched. Roger heard a set of footsteps come up the old creaky stairs. The were gentle so he assumed it was his mother’s. The frail and thin shadow of his mum appeared on his bedroom wall. Winnifred entered the small shoebox of a room. She was shaking like a leaf and silent tears streamed down her beautiful face. 

Roger wanted to sob and cry into his mother’s arms, but he couldn’t, he had to be strong for her. 

“Put your noisiest record on and gather a bag love, make sure to bring your money. We’re going to spend the night at Grandma’s house for a while.” She quietly said, she left the room without another word. She didn’t even kiss him. 

Roger, only twelve, felt so numb inside already. 

He choked on air, he gasped like he was drowning. Roger’s mind was going a mile a minute. Heaving and coughing he sat up farther on the couch. Tears streamed down his face, Roger hadn’t even noticed he was sobbing. He could feel his face heat up, it’s something that always happened when he cried and he despised it. Roger didn’t want to stop crying, finally it felt good, but a fear in him made him try and stop. 

He held his breath involuntarily, to get himself to stop. Roger needed to be strong, he couldn’t show emotions. He looked up at the other three. John had taken notice of roger but was apriensive to do something. Freddie and Brian on the other hand were still arguing. It was all too much for him. He didn’t want his best friends to be like his parents. 

Roger got up from his seat, wobbly and a mess. He hurried out of the studio and down the dimly lit corridor. He was shaking so hard, still gasping for a breath of fresh air. Roger shoved himself in the bathroom. He hated breaking down like this, he could never make it stop. He never cried, sure he got angry but he never cried. Everytime he did it was brief. But it was times like these where roger couldn’t stop himself. 

Someone followed him to the dinky bathroom, they pushed open the door frantically. He saw a pair of tennis shoes through the vale of his tears. John kneeled down next to him, he was hesitant to touch him though.John didn’t want to freak Roger out even more. The bassist knew about his friend’s difficulties, that’s why he told the two morons waiting outside the bathroom to shut up when Roger stormed off. 

John placed a light hand to the blonde’s shoulder, he leaned into the touch. 

“Rog, are you okay?” He asked quietly. 

Roger shrugged, not able to get a coherent sentence out. He sputtered out something through choked sobs. John rubbed his back, as if urging him to speak. He knew he needed to talk, that’s what everybody said, but he didn’t particularly like talking about what he was feeling. 

“I-It’s like I’m th-there John…” Roger trailed off, he wasn’t strong enough to push out the rest of the sentence. 

“I know, its okay,” The brunette said, sitting down beside him. 

“I don’t want to be there, I don’t want to hear them!” He screamed out, his voice cracking loudly. 

John pulled him into a tight hug, he ran his hands through the shaking man’s hair, “It’s gonna be alright, Rog. You’re not there, you’re with me.” Roger nodded, closing his eyes as he tried to melt into his friend’s touch. 

END


End file.
